There's no room or time for me to be afraid of what I need...

I spent hours contemplating cutting my hair off again. I thought about who I could ask to do it for me and when. I realized that I have never cut my hair with my own hands. I've never had the sacred moment of just me alone with the sound of the clippers while watching the hair fall.
There was no one to ask, "are you sure?" There was no one to interrupt my process for the first time. I've shaved my head a number of times. I think this is my third, but this is the first time as a completely solo endeavor.
The hair I released was so full of grief. It wanted to tangle more than anything else. It had become harder to manage than ever before. My scalp has felt like it's screaming to just be free and start fresh; to relinquish any hold grief has had on me. It was time to release. 

I cut off all the hair attached to funerals and homegoings.
I cut off all the hair attached to the stress of surviving a year of firsts amidst grief.
I cut off all the hair attached to the deep growing pains of writing and releasing my first book.
I cut off all the hair full of self doubt.
I cut off all the hair that I hid behind in moments of complete and utter insecurity.

I look at my face and it tells me the truth I need to see. I am tired and my hair had become a point of stress and overwhelm for me. I rarely take the time I need for myself these days and with this fresh cut I am welcoming in a new season. 
A season full of flourishing, becoming and full self acceptance with no compromises.

ZERO COMPROMISES.

COHESION.

I'm giving myself all the room and leaning deeply into wellness. All that matters is the me that I see when I look at me, and for the first time in a long time I saw beauty staring back at me. I thought about every time I've said, "I just can't manage it all right now. I'm ready to shave it all off." Each time those words have escaped my lips I've been met with, "oh no! Don't do that!"

As if my need is something to fear?
I can't live there.
There's no room or time for me to be afraid of what I need. 

I am also a big believer in synchronicity and today happens to be Kujichagulia, the second day of Kwanza. Kujichagulia honors self determination, "to define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves and speak for ourselves.' The tradition of this day is to ask yourself three questions: 
1. Who am I?
2. Am I really who I say I am?
​3. Am I all that I ought to be?

I leave you with this: lean deeply into yourself, authenticity and vulnerability-that is where the true work begins. Here's to even more growth and healing.