I have asked this question with a deep yearning over the past two years, and only recently did I learn that it was more of a prayer than a question. There have been so many moments where I have found myself resonating deeply with the journey of Jesus, a beautifully passionate prophet and Son of God. Even leading up to the current road I am walking I found myself saying, “I feel like I am preparing for deployment.” And even while being called I knew it was going to be a challenging road to walk.

Via Dolorosa is the route believed to have been taken by Jesus through Jerusalem to Calvary. This beautiful name translates to “Way of Suffering.” I am presently laughing to myself as I type this because my first book is entitled, “Suffer Well,” and if it isn’t a thorough depiction of my very own Via Dolorosa, I am not sure what is.
I have been actively and intentionally offering myself up as an offering since January 2023. I have continuously said, “I am the vessel. May whatever is intended to move through me do so.” I also regularly find myself singing, “prepare me to be a sanctuary, pure and holy, tried and true. And with thanksgiving I’ll be a living sanctuary for you.” So, this is where we begin timeline jumping…

I stood in one of the most beautiful sanctuaries I have ever seen after taking a huge leap of faith to pursue my dreams of artistry full time. I distinctly remember quietly humming and singing, “prepare me to be a sanctuary, pure and holy, tried and true. And with thanksgiving I’ll be a living sanctuary for you.” ​
I continued to adventure around Colorado Springs with one of my oldest and dearest friends while we connected over memories and moments we were both deeply passionate about. I remember sharing with her my true calling to be a writer.
“There’s a reason I write every day. I’m just not sure what to do with all of it yet.”
During one of our many walking adventures, in Manitou Springs, we came across a larger than life writing desk. I remember feeling so excited and just wanting to sit on it. It was so much space to fill, and now as I reflect I realize the prophecy of that moment. I am here to take up space. My story is meant to be written and recorded. Were it not for the documentarians that came before me I would have no frame of reference for the true healing power of words and storytelling. Words continue to be such a faithful and supportive friend in my life. 

Temazcal is a beautifully refining ceremony that challenges your endurance and willingness to surrender. The heat increases door after door as new heat it brought into the temple space. There were moments where the heat felt so intense, but I would find myself leaning deeper into gratitude for the experience and the healing it was bringing to my body, mind and spirit. 
I partook in this ceremony with ten other warrior women, and during a moment of reflection the space was opened for anyone to share a song, offering or prayer. Yet again, the song flowed from my lips; “prepare me, to be a sanctuary, pure and holy, tried and true. And with thanksgiving, I’ll be a living sanctuary for you.”
The journey of offering myself as a vessel to all things larger than me is a journey that never ends. It shifts and changes season to season. There are always new lessons to learn, and I am grateful for all of them despite the challenges they may bring. Healing isn’t linear; it’s never ending as we grow and evolve. My time here in Texas is very reflective of the rebirth that is occurring in this season of my life. The old must die to make room for the new. It is simultaneously brutal and beautiful. 

I feel deeply transformed on a cellular level. So much so, that I have even been learning to walk again. Over the years many people have commented on how I walk. I have carried a limp in my step with me for as long as I can remember. When I have described the pain to medical professionals I have said, “it just feels like if I could grab it I could pull it out, but it’s just so deep that I can’t reach it.” This is not language that western medicine understands, but I was able to work with an osteopath who truly heard all that I was saying. I have known that the pain I was experiencing was grief, but not all of it was even mine, and it is hard to fully release and lay down what you cannot identify. 
During my treatment session she was able to move the grief that had been settled deep in my lower back and right hip space. Imagine moving a statue that is deeply anchored and has been settled in it's place for over twenty years. The treatment was painful, to say the least, but for the first time in years I was able to lay completely flat without pain. I shed tears during it's movement, and when I felt that pain be captured laughter began to erupt from me being. So much joy was experienced during grief's release, and I felt the power of gratitude from the ones who have gone before me for carrying what they were unable to hold. 
The days that have followed are a deep rehabilitation. I have been finding my footing again, literally. My steps are unfamiliar, heavier and more even than I have ever experienced. For the first time, in years, I am not experiencing chronic pain. I am nestled in a house of chronic mindfulness and I am deeply grateful for this next leg in my journey back home to this new version of myself.  ​
The phoenix is rising...
​                                                         talk soon,

I recently locked all social media apps on my phone in order to stay fully unplugged from the virtual world. So far it has shown me the true beauty and value of staying in the present moment. I love photography and capturing moments, but it's currently for the sake of the memory rather than thinking about creating content or sharing with a wider audience. 
I was finally able to finish reading the fiction book that I have been working on. Maroons by Adrienne Maree Brown is such a beautiful and powerful sequel to the first book of the Black Dawn Series, Grievers. I have felt so held within this story. I am the type of person who even highlights fiction books because there is something to learn from all literature. A few quotes that stuck out to be from this reading are the following:

"I'm not asking you to trust me, I am asking you to trust love. Trust the love you feel for me can help you feel my love for you. Trust that we will have an abundant life in love. Trust that our love will help us do what neither of us has ever done."

"If you're angry, you're in the past. If you're scared, you're in the future."

​"It feels like the grievers realize they have to stop everything and...grieve. For something. Something lost. Or everything they've lost."

​"...that specific joy that only lives inside grief--visible only through the lens of loss."

"Her need to be alone transmuted into a need to be at ease."

"Did the dead puncture the sky on their way out? Did they take all the light of their lives to some point in the blackness and explode directly over their earthly home? Did the stars sense her existence?"

"...what if she had been left behind because she couldn't choose her joy over her suffering?"

"It only needs to be one person who believe in you, as long as their belief is absolute."

"Sometimes you yell out the loudest when you most need to believe, not when you have the most faith." 

"The thing no one tells you is that bad company can make eternity your own private hell and good company can make the demons disarm themselves."

"True liberation is not about slipping your sovereignty from another's grip, but taking responsibility for your own life and choices, individually and in the collective."

"...time is water. If we don't let it flow, if we become a dam against it, or try to reverse its course--it breaks us."

There are so many more sections that I underlined and highlighted, but I don't want to give the entire story away. I highly recommend both Grievers and Maroons. They have encouraged me through my own grief and aided in my own liberation from suffering. 

I am finding that I am sitting within joy with more ease than ever before, and it's honestly such a relief. I genuinely felt that I would be sitting within suffering and grief for eternity, and while grief is a familiar friend that lingers within my every day--it's no longer an all day, every day, kind of visitor. 

Staying completely in tune with the present moment is opening up so many simple joys for me; from walking around a grocery story with my best friend, to playing at the park with my godbabies, to sharing a meal prepared by a dear friend, to the beauty and stillness of nights home alone...it's all beautiful and matters in this web of living. 

On April 10, 2023 I turned 33 and spent my first birthday completely alone. It was incredible. I cashed in my Getaway House night and headed to Brown County, IN for a night under the stars. I arrived around 3pm after a slow morning full of coffee from one of my favorite Indianapolis coffee spots and a breakfast sandwich from another. I even found a playground to play at for awhile before making the one hour drive south. It was truly a perfect day. 
I had everything that I needed and when I arrived I sat in the sunshine and began my time of reflection over the past years of my life followed by my time of intention setting for the years to come. This birthday felt different for me than every before. Yes, it was the first birthday I celebrated alone, but that felt completely correct and right. I just feel more awake than ever before and that makes every experience more beautifully intense. Every emotion that found me sat with me for the time it needed before the next one came to visit. I suppose there are just some experiences that can't be fully explained...

Compassion, blessings, inspiration, honesty, discipline, bravery, courage...and a deep belief that all things are possible is what solitude and restoration gifted to me on my birthday. 

I have now returned home and am back in my work flow. I am on the home stretch of finishing out my current 21 day challenge for myself: 

So far I have stuck to it really well. The only struggles I have had is the sleep and rising time because if you don't know, I am just not a morning person! But, it's called a challenge for a reason and I am going to keep leaning into several of these even beyond the challenge end date. 
I also added in a social media cleanse that is beginning today (April 12, 2023) and will run for the next three weeks until May 3, 2023. I have been feeling the call and pull to go inward; tune out in order to tune in, and I am deeply excited for the days ahead. There's always adventure awaiting each of us. I will be using this space to share mine with you. 

UPCOMING:
April 17, 2023 I am headed to the Dallas/Forth Worth area for some healing, restoration and creation. I will be housed by my dear friend Sana and I am so excited for the work that we will do together. I will be participating in some ceremonies (that I will share more on later) and leaning deeper into my creative practices. I won't necessarily be packing light for this trip as I am bringing along several of my jewelry supplies, but other than that I will be mindful of what I bring because I truly believe that everything I need is already waiting for me. 
After my time in Dallas/Forth Worth I will he headed to Houston for a few days before eventually making my return trip home. I have yet to buy my return ticket, so the adventure truly awaits! I will be recording my adventures through writing and photography and look forward to sharing my experiences with you all here. 

We begin again and again. Here's to more beauty unfolding and a deeper becoming and knowledge of self...

Talk soon,

​Korie