Seven.

Seven years ago today I returned home to Indiana after living in Washington state for three years. It's been a wild journey since I unloaded my car that day on Lucky Dan Drive to live with Kristyn, Nelle and Jude. The home they shared with me was exactly what I needed to find my footing again. Returning home was more difficult than I imagined. I was so full of shame at that time in my life. My marriage had ended and the last time I had seen most of my people was in celebrating that union. That shame filled version of myself is long gone, and I am grateful for this version of me that now takes so much ownership in my story.

I wouldn't me the me I am today without that version of myself and I am grateful for every moment. It's been seven years of falling in love with where I come from and who I truly am. It's been seven years of healing...seven years of grounding and rooting...seven years of intentionally becoming.

The number seven symbolizes fullness and completeness. It is also the only single digit that cannot be multiplied or divided and still remains a whole number. In numerology seven represents seekers and those in pursuit of deeper wisdom. When I truly committed to my healing journey seven years ago, seeking deeper wisdom was my deepest desire and intention. I had been surviving for so long and I was ready to explore what healing actually felt like; what it would be like to face everything rather than always run...I had no idea the journey I would be embarking on, but I am deeply grateful for the decision I made and each twist and turn that has met me along the way.

I have learned how to make a true home wherever I go regardless for how long I am physically there. I am only now coming into the awareness that I have the ability to continually come home to myself and find respite within. Healing is so deeply revealing. I have experienced love in so many beautiful forms along the way. It's honestly humbling to reflect on these past seven years and feel that I am still at a beginning. Of course it's a completely different view at this starting line than it was all those years ago, but it is still full of beauty and possibility.

I am endlessly becoming.

The losses and gains have been larger than I could have ever imagined. Coming back home again to Indiana was one of the most life changing gifts I could have ever received. These moments of reflection are deeply affirming to me to continue to follow the call of All Things Bigger Than Me. The deeper I traveled within in pursuit of healing all of the woulds that caused me to want to escape myself, the more clear I became on the direction I was intended to go with my life. Learning to truly love myself and come home to myself has continually reflected back to me in my daily living. 

I am currently sitting and writing these words on my front porch while drinking warm cacao in the cool morning air. The sun is up, but not offering much of its warmth and the neighborhood is quiet. I am surrounded by the same peace I have found within myself.

Don't get it twisted...this is just a moment. I have plenty more work to do and so much more to learn, but that's the beauty of this journey: it ain't over til it's over, and I'm committed to experiencing the beauty in it all. 

I stopped at Canon Beach, Oregon on my drive back to Indiana and I sat and wrote my goodbye to the life that I was walking away from and the version of myself that I was leaving behind on the West Coast. There are still parts of me that try to get back to her, but not in the harmful ways. She was the most fearless version of myself, she was ready to take on anything and everything. Those are the pieces of me that I always try to hold onto in this journey. Looking at her reminds me that it's really gonna be okay...

Podcast Episodes