I recently pulled out the Bible my Paw gifted me the year my mom died. So many thoughtful cards, notes and papers full of encouragement fell out of its pages; and I remember how deeply Paw turned to God during that season of life. I didn't have a choice but to follow along, and I am deeply grateful for the example despite being ready to receive at that time.

A small print out with Philippians 4:6-7 and a quote by Robert McKee fell out when I turned to James 5:11.

Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds...
James 5:11
You've hears, of course, of Job's staying power, and you know how God brought it all together for him at the end. That's because God cards, cards right down to the last detail.

I recently wrote during my time of reflection while saying a see you later to those I love...
I never knew how much courage and bravery was required to stay;
I've always been the one who chose to leave,
to chase dreams in the big open world,
and gather up all the sights
to send back home.
It feels so strange to be the one standing in the departure lane with my hand over my heart whispering prayers of safety;
to be the one staying,
even more over to be the one grateful to feel my anchor going deeper into the depths,
to be the one that is the home for others to now return.
I didn't know it would feel like this; 
so many tears full of sorrow and pride for what I'll miss and what they'll experience.
This is love.
This is freedom.
This is family. 
I love you from the depths of me. We will always find each other, wherever we are.

I've said time and time again that my Paw was the greatest example of faithfulness that I could have ever received. I could have never known how to pray for such an example, so here came God knowing what I needed before I ever had an understanding...that seems to just be my life. I am stubborn and I take my time. I always want to gather up all the information in order to make the most informed decision, but that honestly doesn't serve me. The moments when I have felt the most peace are the moments where I have taken a leap and trusted that I will be caught and carried.
To say that I am currently in a season of "trust and obey" would be an understatement. The decisions and choices I have felt called to make for my life feel absolutely ridiculous and borderline harmful to my sustainability; mostly on the financial front, but here I am...I still have everything I need and continue to be carried and honestly feel the least amount of anxiety that I have ever felt. So, this must be the peace that surpasses all understanding because IT MAKES NO SENSE TO ME. Yet, here I am, trusting and obeying...because what? There's no other way. 

I cut off all my finger nails as a reminder to be obedient...
This may seem like a very small and insignificant decision, but for me, it's a pretty big symbol and important reminder. For the better part of the last two years I have been growing and maintaining my fingernails. Part of that maintenance required going to a nail salon and having them shaped and fortified; never with any color, always natural. Today, I looked down at my hands and thought "I really need to let it go.."
Let go of the expense...the maintenance...and commit to getting my hands dirty; in more ways than one. 

I am someone who works with my hands. I do a lot of writing; not just at the computer, but with the pen and the page. I do a lot of integrating with nature; whether that be pulling weeds, cutting grass or my future aspirations of starting and maintaining a garden. I also work with metal; I up-cycle metal materials and make them into rings, necklaces, bookmarks...really anything that brings my creative spirit joy. I was finding myself being more and more careful with my hands all in an attempt to protect and preserve the growth of my nails; as if I don't trust that they will grow back.

I was trying to stay in a season longer than I was supposed to...

I often times look at my hands as a symbol of my femininity. Are my nails done? Do they look good? Who's gonna notice? Really, no one ever notices accept for me, but I have always gotten compliments when my nails are long. Are those your real nails? How did you get them that long? How do they stay so strong? I don't really have those answers, but I do know I come from a long line of strong hands, so I guess in turn that means I come from a long line of strong nails...

That's not even really the point of me writing any of this...today, I looked at my hands and felt that they were a symbol of my disobedience, so I cut them down. I haven't seen my hands with short nails in so long, and it made me laugh. Because guess what? They still look beautiful. 

Sometimes we need these simple reminders to hit us at our core, and now I know that every time I look down at my hands I think about not just being obedient, but staying obedient. These hands are ready for harvest reason.

What do you need to let go of in this season?
What areas do you need to be more obedient?

Here's to the journey and trusting the process.