Musings…

I am learning what it truly means to go at my own pace, and it’s honestly slower than I would like, but there is even a lesson in the patience of waiting through an elongated process. We all reach different destinations at different points in time, and even when we meet each other it might be at different arrival times. I have found that even when we are traveling roads with another, the paths are not the same; and even if we were to walk the same steps it feels different for each of us.
I feel so much ownership over my experience; more so than ever before in my life, but with that comes the discomfort of shedding old narratives that I no longer identify with. I am no longer subscribing to feelings of guilt for living the life I desire. I have always been “different,” but aren’t we all? We are all so unique and if we admired the uniqueness that rests within each one of our souls we would leave so much more room for loving kindness and compassion; not just for one another but also for ourselves. 

The Call to Surrender

The call to surrender continues to find me. I think “surrender” is the word of my current season. It serves as a reminder and a call to action; and I am not certain it is a practice that will ever be mastered, but I am leaning into each moment of discomfort with gratitude. Surrendering to each and every emotion that arises and meeting it with care and attention.
Today, everything feels hard and elongated for me to the point that all I really feel is exhaustion. My spirit is tired. I feel the tug on the tie I have to my mother and I can’t help but feel a longing for her presence. Often, when these feelings arise for me, I find myself taking a nap or having a deeply restful day. Each time I allow myself to lay in the stillness I am able to feel her presence, and I am reminded that I don’t have to carry it all. I am free to lay down any and all weights and move freely through the world; and sometimes that looks like a day full of slow movements and couch hangs. 

Home in a Verb State:

What does home mean to me?
What does home feel like?
Where is home?
I am struggling to find my definition, and after looking up definitions the only ones that resonate with me are verbs. 

Home: Verb: move or be aimed toward (a target or destination) with great accuacy.

So, I suppose I really am aiming to continuously travel back home to myself over and over again, day by day, moment by moment, while still learning what that even means. 

Home in A Verb State
​Taking action
Always moving…growing…shifting…evolving…
Endlessly unpacking
while leaving behind
while also gathering up the pieces of me.
It’s not a stationary experience,
and for the first time that feels okay.
Home has been a person, place and thing,
but I am leaving the noun version
​behind for the first time. 

Here’s to trusting the journey of discovering while surrendering along the way…take your time.
Big love,
​Korie

some photos from the journey: