Ask Yourself the Hard Questions

The exploration of my inner landscape is causing me to meet so many crossroads; and each crossroad causes me to ask myself the hard questions. I am sitting with myself and with feelings of discomfort more and more. Ya know, the journey of getting comfortable with being uncomfortable is really never ending; just like the rest of the healing journey. 
I have been sitting with a lot of duality lately as well, and it’s beautifully difficult to navigate some days. Knowing something is the “right” thing doesn’t always mean it won’t feel uncomfortable or that grief won’t still present itself…knowing release is necessary AND also feeling the weight of the emotions of doing so. Grateful AND grieving. Loving from afar…dual moments of living this existence in the most healthy frame of mind is WORK. 
I am steady just trying to breathe and remember that it can all coexist rather than wage wars inside myself. Repatterining is strenuous and requires repetition. Yesterday, I realized that crocheting taught me more than I even realized. In order to make the hat I was creating I had to follow the patterns, and in order for growth to occur the patterns were different and could not be rushed. Completion required me to learn a specific pattern before moving onto the next one. Rather than learning the lessons in the moment I was only focusing on completing the task, rather than being fully present in the learning, so now, over a week later the lessons are fully settling in. Integration takes time, and making my first crochet creation was very reflective of my current season of life. Rehabilitation, growth, unlearning, patterning…they all require patience, diligence, trusting the process and staying the course, but the results are full of beauty and joy. 

My first crochet creation.

Completed during a roadtrip to Houston, TX

Some questions I have been asking…

​What does it feel like to be free?
What doe it feel like to be still and quiet long enough to learn who you really are?
What does it feel like to know yourself?
What does it feel like to honor the boundaries created in order to honor your relationship with yourself?
What does joy feel like when it escapes my body?
How can I remember who I am without learning who I am in the first place? 
What is the leading or guiding force in how you decide anything?
What causes you to take certain routes home?
What guides you in how you spend your free time?
What bocks you from honoring your needs?
In what areas do you need to practice more?

LET IT FLOW