Work in Progress: Boundaries

Why is it that we so easily tell others what we need to hear for ourselves? We say truths daily that we need to believe for ourselves, but for some reason we don’t. Well…I don’t at least, and I like to think that I’m not alone in this crazy battle of life. 

Today I said to a friend, “you’re more than okay and it’s perfectly acceptable to let those waves of feelings wash other you. It’s a grieving process and it’s harder when you still have to get glimpses of the person you don’t want to miss. You’re strong.” I NEEDED THOSE WORDS FOR MYSELF. Today I have felt weak both physically and emotionally. The physical aspect is because I woke up with a tickle in my throat and some aches in my body. I pushed through work and went for a work out as my remedy. That remedy worked. I still sound like I have been kissing a few frogs, but I feel physically refreshed. 
Now, the emotional aspect…this is tricky. This is something I still have yet to fully master. I may never, but I am sure gonna put up a fight. I have been on this self care journey for over a year. I know that this journey has no ending. I know that I have to continue to learn what I need, and today that need was a new book, a smoothie and writing out my beautiful, twisty thoughts. 

Today I felt alone, but I was never actually alone until I let myself be alone and that was when I felt the most at peace. While I sit and reflect I realize that I used all of my energy this weekend. I made myself present for so many people this weekend and this introvert is screaming on the inside. (screaming on the outside would obviously draw too much attention to me and make me exert even more energy that I don’t have). Do not be mistaken, I enjoyed every single moment of this past weekend. I brought in the new year with some of my most favorite people. I laughed and felt a joy deep in my soul. I spent time with all of my families and I felt so much love throughout every moment. All of that energy was well spent. 

I am not alone, but sometimes I need to be. Sometimes I need to ALLOW myself to be. I need to allow myself to spend time with one of the most incredible people I know: myself. So, this year, you may get a “no” from me. It’s not because I don’t enjoy time with you. It’s not because I don’t love you. It’s not because of anything you’ve said or done. It’s because I’m still learning how to love myself and sometimes I need more of myself than you need of me. Today's self care lesson: Boundaries are essential to my growth. 

Never leave home without your crown,

​KP

Today's Self Care Ingredients:
PB&J Smoothie from Earth Fare
The Lover's Dictionary by: David Levithan
My beautiful, badass self.